Hagar the Hag?

I gotta wonder if Hagar was ..um .. hard on the eyes? Like Leah.

This skit is probably not appropriate for your youth group.

Sarah: “Snap! I need an heir. I need an heir NOW!! Sally – I’m not getting any younger!! What am I going to do??”

Sally: “Eschol’s got a sale on mandrakes. Have you tried…”

Sarah: “Yeah, I’ve tried them. No dice. And they give me gas something fierce.”

Sally: “I heard Aner’s wife say that the ladies up in Huran will actually give their handmaidens to their husbands and adopt the kids that come from that ..err.. union.”

Sarah: “What the!!?? I do NOT think so!”

Sally: “No, seriously! All the fashionable ladies are doing it.”

Sarah: “That’s just too weird for me. I’ll ask the handmaidens and see if anyone wants to volunteer.”

Sally: “Ewww – don’t do that. What is everyone going to think of some handmaiden volunteering to lie with your husband? The nerve of some young gal, thinking she can climb into her master’s bed! Do something different. Oh, I know – hold a beauty pageant.!”

Sarah: “And who’s going to be the judge? Abraham – staring at all these ladies? I don’t think so!”

Sally: “No, silly! You be the judge. Or you and I. I can cancel bingo next Friday night.”

Sarah: “No! Besides – what if Abe falls in love with her? I can’t risk that!”

Sally: “I’m just sayin’. It’s what I would do.”

Sarah: “We need a woman he’ll WANT to forget about. Someone who’s hard on the eyes. OOOooooo! Waitasec..”

Sarah and Sally, excitedly, in unison: “HAGAR!!!”

The next day…

Matthias Stom - Sarah Leading Hagar to Abraham

Matthias Stom – Sarah Leading Hagar to Abraham

Sarah: “Hon – I think we need to change things up a bit around here. ”

Abe: “What’s on your mind, sis? ..I mean, babe?”

Sarah: “Well – I’m good lookin’ and all, but I’m not exactly a spring chicken, y’know. I think my childbirthing years are probably behind me now.”

Abe: “Uhhh…. ok. (am I supposed to answer that?)”

Sarah: “And we still need an heir. You tried that whole adoption thing with Eleazar, and that didn’t go over too well. It’s been about 10 years now, and I’m just not seeing any kids on the horizon. So I have this idea. Sally heard about it from some of the ladies at the Mittani shopping mall. I’ll give you one of my hand maidens, and then you’ll .. y’now.. and then when the baby comes out, I’ll adopt him as my own and .. presto!”

Abe: “I .. I don’t know about this.”

Sarah: “No, seriously. All the fashionable ladies are doing it.”

Abe: “Well.. I guess.”

Sarah: “Awesome. HAGAR! C’mere…”

Abe: “YIKES!!! Ummm.. it’s almost time to eat dinner. Sorry, but I don’t have the time.”

Sarah: “Actually, you have exactly ten minutes. No more! See ya soon, sweetie!”

It’s all speculation, of course, but .. man! That’d have been a weird conversation.

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